


Left In The Dark

by spilled_notes



Series: Mad March Prompt Challenge [6]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:29:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spilled_notes/pseuds/spilled_notes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the prompt 'sharing a bed'.  When Jocelyn moves back it's clear to Maggie that something's not right.  But more time spent with Jocelyn means less time spent with Lil - who never liked Jocelyn in the first place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song of the same name by Meatloaf.

It all begins to fall apart when Jocelyn moves back to Broadchurch. She’s moping something dreadful, and much as she says it’s because of Veronica’s decline Maggie doesn’t believe her: she knows Jocelyn too well by now, knows there’s something else.

Veronica has become her friend too, and now Jocelyn’s here again she visits more, finds herself almost spending more of her free evenings at their house than at her own. She fights to keep her journalistic nose under control, to leave her notebook at the door: experience tells her that pushing and probing only makes Jocelyn retreat further. But still she’s drawn back night after night in the hope that this time, this time, she’ll find the missing piece and work out what’s going on.

‘Why don’t you just ask her?’ Lil says one night.

Maggie shakes her head and smiles wryly. ‘That’s not how Jocelyn works. She’ll tell me when she’s ready.’ _Or not, of course,_ she adds silently.

‘I don’t know why you’re so fond of her,’ Lil continues as they get ready for bed. ‘She’s so cold and selfish.’

‘She can be,’ Maggie admits. ‘But she’s my friend.’

‘She’ll never care about you as much as you do about her.’

‘You’ve never liked her, have you?’

‘I just don’t think she deserves your time and effort, when she can’t be bothered to even _pretend_ to be grateful.’

 _It’s not that she doesn’t care enough,_ Maggie thinks as they settle for the night. _She cares too much, just can’t admit it._

*          *          *

Veronica gets steadily worse, and eventually Jocelyn gives in and finds a (too expensive) home for her. Old Mrs. Taylor dies not long after and, even though it’s also too expensive, Jocelyn buys the house on Clifftop Way that she’s always wanted. It feels a little like a consolation prize, she sometimes thinks in her bleaker moments. She’s lost her career, her chance at happiness with Maggie, is losing her mother and her sight, but at least she’s got this. Even if she won’t be able to enjoy the view for long.

The day she moves in Maggie visits, ignoring Lil’s protests and promising not to be too late home.

‘What’s this?’ Jocelyn asks.

‘Carbonara. I knew you wouldn’t have thought about food.’

‘I haven’t unpacked the kitchen yet,’ she warns as they navigate through the boxes and furniture.

‘Of course you haven’t, petal’ Maggie smiles. ‘That’s why I brought plates.’

They sit on the floor to eat, drinking wine out of the first mugs Maggie finds and digs out of a packing box.

Jocelyn is silent, morose, swirls her wine. One day, maybe quite soon, she thinks, she will no longer be able to see Maggie properly, will only be able to glimpse her out of the corner of her eye. She will no longer be able to make out the details of her face, her smile, her eyes. She has already noticed the colours starting to fade, noticed that to her Maggie’s eyes have become more grey than blue.

It hurts, this realisation that her mental image of Maggie, only ever supposed to be a substitute to tide her over to her next visit, will soon be all she has, and a sigh escapes her before she can stop it.

‘You know you can tell me anything, don’t you petal?’ Maggie asks softly, concern etched on her face.

Jocelyn is about to lie, but the automatic response lodges in her throat. _This is as good a moment as any, I suppose. I’ve missed others, ones I can’t ever get back. I shouldn’t let this one slip away too._

‘I’m going blind,’ she says, barely a whisper, barely audible, but Maggie hears.

‘What?’ Maggie looks at her, all worry and disbelief, but without the pity Jocelyn had feared.

‘Macular degeneration.’

She sees dawning comprehension in Maggie’s eyes, sees her connecting the dots between this and her retirement. Knows she doesn’t have to explain, and for once is grateful for Maggie’s propensity to see stories everywhere.

‘How bad?’

‘Enough to make reading difficult a lot of the time, to stop me working. It’s getting worse,’ she admits.

‘Who’ve you told?’

‘No one,’ she confesses. ‘Just you.’

*

It’s well past midnight when Maggie gets home, her promise to Lil forgotten in the light of Jocelyn’s revelation. Jocelyn didn’t ask her to stay but she stayed anyway, loath to leave her alone.

When she slips into bed, Lil is silent and stiff, even though Maggie knows she’s still awake. The anger radiates from her, and although she feels guilty Maggie can’t bring herself to apologise. They lie side by side, facing away from each other, each staring into the darkness. Maggie finds herself thinking of Jocelyn, alone in that big house, alone with her fears.

 _Why couldn’t you have been brave?_ Maggie thinks, an uncomfortable feeling of betrayal rising within her as she hears Lil sigh. _You didn’t have to be alone._


End file.
